My mother told me to stop using my eating disorder to shield myself from the real world, that at twenty I should’ve been able to heal myself from the inside out, rather than making myself too small to be a target.
I grew up in third world countries, sick to my stomach at the thought of my excess juxtaposed to the frailty around me. I grew up with boys and men helping themselves to a body that lost its voice, a deer in headlights that were never going to stop. I lived for years in a house where love was another word for manipulation, around people who made me feel I was better off dead, crying out in a family that forgot what it was to speak.
Seven years ago I landed in a country that forgot how to accept me. I was grey in a world of colour, too dull and too vulgar to join in with the crowd. I dulled myself more than ever before, with nothing but the hope that this would kill me before they did.
My mother tells me to stop using my eating disorder to hide from the world’s darkness. I’ve never figured out how to tell her it’s only keeping my darkness in.
I definitely feel at my best wearing my boy clothes and cuddling with my fluff pups.
help I’m having emotions about a cartoon antidepressant trying to be useful
DID YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY GIF AN ABILIFY COMMERCIAL
yes but look at it, it cares about her and just wants to help her be able to function. It’s like “I know you’re sad. here, I’ll help you.”
LIKE OKAY THOUGH can I explain why this is exceedingly brilliant?? Because when anti-depressants work right, that’s what they DO. They don’t make you happy or emotionless or unhealthy in any way, they make you FUNCTIONAL. They make it so that a depressed person who can barely get out of bed can start to support themselves again and more importantly, start to THINK for themselves again without the permeating presence of depression.
Depression is a cyclical disease, that tells you to think a certain way, and, because you’re depressed, you generally believe it, and then things get worse and worse. The ONLY thing anti-depressants do is to STOP that cycle in its tracks!! Which is something to be ecstatic about and celebrated, even if you don’t realize it at the time, because when you’re depressed, getting out of bed is climbing Mount Everest. Antidepressants help stop that cycle so that one day soon, getting out of bed can JUST be getting out of bed. They don’t even expedite the recovery process in most cases, they just make recovery POSSIBLE IN THE FIRST PLACE. So this little guy is portrayed with a fuckton more accuracy than I ever expected from a commercial.
It’s back and adorable
[Note: When J. Elliot refers to her being classed as one of ‘your people’ in relation to black people of color, it’s based on her reputation of being an outspoken, anti-racism ally].
Dogs are actually calm and alseep, plus Adam is out, so I had some actual real alone time writing and drinking wine in a bubble bath. It’s just what I needed.
Written angry letters to depression as though it was actually some conscious being that would realise it really needs to shove off.
How to not waste your life away when you’re feeling shit:
1) Do two things a day you know are good for you, even if it feels like it’ll use all your energy.
2) If you have some energy, great. In ad breaks, do something constructive, even if it’s just taking a mug to the sink.
3) Be selfishly social. See the person or people who will require the last energy to be around, even if it’s just to watch a film on the sofa.
4) Stick to a routine, even if it’s just something small, like the same three things before bed.
5) Don’t stay in bed! I know it’s hard to move but it makes sleeping later much easier. Your bed is for sleeping, and only that (if this is possible)
6) A few times a day when it feels unmanageable to go on, do 5,4,3,2,1 mindful exercises a few times over. Even if it’s not distracting, it can be soothing.
Here’s a list of things that will be better if I lose 9 lbs:
THIS IS WHAT A WORLD LEADER LOOKS LIKE.
DESMOND TUTU, I OFFICIALLY LOVE YOU.
"I would refuse to go to a homophobic heaven. No, I would say sorry, I mean I would much rather go to the other place," Archbishop Tutu said at the launch of the Free and Equal campaign in Cape Town.
"I would not worship a God who is homophobic and that is how deeply I feel about this."
Archbishop Tutu said the campaign against homophobia was similar to the campaign waged against racism in South Africa.
"I am as passionate about this campaign as I ever was about apartheid. For me, it is at the same level," he added.
[source: BBC News]
I feel stretched. I really just want to be swimming underwater right now.